Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Pre-Review Reflection for Core 2
I think I just have to work on my conclusion of my argument. I honestly ended the paper just with a bunch of words that I threw together. That is my major focus going into the revision process. Other than that, there are other corrections like citations and grammar that need to be proofread again. I also have to go back and make sure my personal narratives are clean and well polished so that I can relate my stories to the reader effectively. Overall, I am going to go back into my paper and do a good deal of "construction."
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I think that the opening of your paper is one of the strongest parts. The anecdote truely draws the reader in and then they will want more. The background information leaves the audience with a sense that they have spent time with you and your uncle- great job on imagery! I like how the paper has an overall theme of a personal narrative. Its good to keep relating to your audience who might not know tons about the insurance field; this is why I like how you talk about Elliot Spitzer and Madoff. Most people have heard of these figures through the news so its great that you bring them up.
ReplyDeleteThe vocab is honestly very good. You do a great job with that!
Your secondary sources all fit in very nicely. They help us paint a better picture of what insurance fraud actually is. Your primary source is commendable. The interview was a nice balance of professional and yet still comfortable since it was a family member (and co-worker!) I really like how you keep reflecting on your topic throughout the essay. Your opinions are clearly heard- thats a very strong part of your paper.
Your paper only contains a few grammatical errors that you could catch easily with a second self-review. I agree with you- work on your conclusion. I would like to see more analysis and concluding statements made.
This was an overall fantastic essay. I'm sure you'll do very well on it once you sweep it up a bit- good job!
This is a very interesting paper. There are only a few things that I think need work. The opening of the paper could be made to be more interesting. Also the first two pages of the essay consist of many small paragraphs. The introduction to the topic is very long and we do not know what the paper is going to be about because the question is not presented until bottom of the second page. Once you introduce your topic the paper seems to flow very well. I feel like you have just the right number of sources to support your topic. The topic of Insurance fraud is very controversial. Although most people would say that it is a bad thing. Some people would commit it if in a dire enough situation. The conclusion is very affective at summarizing what he learned throughout his research.
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